Friday, November 28, 2008

When the Answer was No

When I was approached to write a testimony, I just went ‘Eh?’ Now don’t get me wrong, I have lots of stories to tell (more often I have TOO many of them). But then again, to pick just one story to put on print out of the millions…. Let’s just say it’s not easy.

Because my WHOLE LIFE is a testimony.

So let me just clarify that what I am about to share was chosen on the sole basis that it was one of the most recent. It is currently 28th of November 2008, 11.40 a.m. Who knows? Something big may happen tomorrow morning (my neighbour’s chickens took sleeping pills!!!) but for now, this is a little snippet of God’s grace and mercy in my life.

In the month of June, my school’s prefect board announced that it was campaign season! Now, what is that? Well, to be the Head Prefect in my school, you have to first be nominated by the prefects to stand for election in front of the whole school. After that, you have 2 weeks of campaigning to do, speeches to be made to the entire student body and faculty, Q&A sessions etc. all leading to the VOTING DAY. In a nut shell, that was what I went through. Stress on ‘in a nut shell’. Because honestly, nothing I had experienced can ever be described in a mere 5 sentences.

The journey was very much like a roller coaster – the ones with sudden dips and twists which leave you feeling exhilarated with adrenaline pumping through your veins. It’s the type of roller coaster where you turn around and yell, “Whoa! That’s a great one! You’ve GOT to try it out!” But silently in your heart, you doubt that you would ever dare to sit on it again now that you know all that lies ahead.

After a long campaigning season spanning about 2 months, it was time for the entire school to cast their votes. Because I am posting this up publicly, I am refraining from writing more details. But if you ask me, I’ll definitely share it with you personally. Well then, what was the outcome?

I did not become the Head Prefect of my school.

Was I disappointed? Yes, in fact, I never felt so let down in my life. All through my campaign, I had regularly questioned myself, ‘Why am I doing what I am doing?’ And through my quiet times with God, I knew that all I wanted to be was His light in my school. And yes, I broke down when I was told the news. Fortunately, they did not publicly announce the results. I had one of the headmistress’ assistant tell me the news. Nevertheless, the pain I felt was raw enough for my defences to crack. So, why cry? It wasn’t because I was power crazy and aiming for the Headship only, I was appalled by the fact that they ALL thought I would rather quit than be the assistant head prefect.

There is no hurt greater than being misjudged, misunderstood and misrepresented.

But after all my anger (yes, I was angry and if I said I wasn’t, I’d be bluffing) and frustration abated, I had come to realise that the sooner I get over it, the easier it would be for me to move on. Yes, I felt wronged against but am I going to be bitter and hold it against my school? No. It wasn’t easy because God knows that I didn’t feel like it, but I choose to. And the very next day (yes, my parents can testify to this), I smiled and thanked God and told Him that I’ll trust Him that He knows exactly what’s He’s doing. It was fortunate that the battle had been fought and won early. If not, I would give it a 99.99999999999999% chance I would not be able to be as calm as I was when everyone clamoured around me after the results were publicly announced. And the day they announced it, my team and I proceeded to the finals of the Taylor’s Annual Inter-School Debate 2008. See, God does have a sense of humour!

So now, I am serving God as the Assistant Head Prefect from my school. And tough though it was to be where I am, I would not change a single thing. Why?

Because everyone thinks that a testimony is about the good stuff. I could have easily chosen to share my testimony of how my team and I won the finals of the Taylor’s Debate. But I decided not to because I wanted others to know too that a testimony can also be about the bad stuff. And about how that it’s through our weaknesses that God is the strongest.

After all, an answered prayer doesn’t necessarily have to be a yes.

7 comments:

Xia Shuen said...

"There is no hurt greater than being misjudged, misunderstood and misrepresented."

I feel you.
had a absolutely HORRIBLE experience myself. =)

Tze Quan said...

Thanks, but fortunately for us, what doesn't kills us makes us stronger.

Tell me your story one day, k? I'm sure it's a meaningful one...

XiaShuen said...

Definitely..

diane said...

AGREE with quek's first comment! Its a very hurting experience, i was there before too..at the peak of it!

Tze Quan said...

Yeah, campaigning is really a test of mental strength... =)

So, I take it that there'll be no politics for us ya?

XiaShuen said...

Definitely a BIG NO.
An ordinary life satisfies me much. =)

Jason said...

These things often happen... I've been there, done that and yes, I've been back stabbed by power hungry "friends"... Do continue your testimony for GOD!!! Asst. Captain. =)