Sunday, July 4, 2010

A Risk Worth Taking

Yes, I know it has been ages but one thing led to another and before I knew it, it was 3 months since I last posted here. The thought of abandoning this blog has occurred but then again, after much thought, I decided against it. So, this is to tie up the loose ends and to provide the conclusion to what happened after the JPA interview.

In other words, here’s to closure.

To provide a prelude to the story, let’s just say I took a huge risk in taking an additional 3 subjects towards the end of my Form 4 year. I thought taking 10 was bad but after taking 13, 10 seemed like a walk in the park. What with the change of grading system to A+ barely a month before SPM, the risk seemed even more daunting. However, there was nowhere to go but ahead and thank God, I got 12 A+ and 1 A. As such, I applied for JPA scholarship.

The wait for the results were endless. One day merged to the next with no sense of separation. I ended up registering for Form 6 because the results were still not released by then. It honestly felt like in some ways, I had never left. It’s true that the best thing about going back to my old school is that everything is familiar. Yet at the same time, that’s the worst thing too. My heart wasn’t there yet because of some many unfinished things and as such, I had a difficult time committing fully to the situation I was in.

After 2 weeks in school, the results were released. And I did not get it. Was I disappointed? I definitely was. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry. But there was nothing I could do besides appealing. Even then, I didn’t dare put too much hope into it any longer. By then, I was afraid to hope because I was afraid of being rejected all over again.

So I went ahead with Form 6, throwing myself into it because now, it was all or nothing. The only way I was going to be a doctor was if I do well to do it locally. But over time, I had amazing friends that I had the privilege of meeting. It was funny how fast we clicked together and being around them made Form 6 bearable, pleasurable even.

In fact, I was with all of them when the results for the appeal came out. This time, I got it. Let me tell you, this is one of the very few times I’m unable to put into words how I felt. I was just so thankful that God gave this amazing blessing that the feeling just overwhelmed me.

But it was a bittersweet. I was leaving my friends behind, people who I’ve come to love and enjoy being around with. It was difficult and I ended up crying harder compared to when I didn’t get it.

Now I’m doing my A-levels in Management and Science University bound for India to do medicine. It’s a new chapter of my life for me and one I’m looking forward to embarking. I just thank God for giving me this opportunity to chase my dreams and become a doctor. Even though it hasn't been easy living in a hostel, I would do all of it because He has opened the door wide open for me. It would be crazy not to go all out running through it now.

So to all of you who will be reading this sometime next year and are planning to apply for JPA scholarship, all the best! It’s not going to be easy that’s certain, so I just have this to say. Don’t take the scholarship as Plan A. The saddest part for me to go through was the remarks I got when I chose to enter Form 6. Yes, I chose and willingly entered Form 6 by my own decision. Because for me, Form 6 was never plan B. It was always THE plan.

But don’t let other people discourage you from applying and trying anyway! Especially for you who want to do medicine. I had so many people telling me, 'I told you so' after I didn't get the scholarship the first round. But it's ok! It’s a risk but it’s a risk worth taking. After all, to love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.