Espionage

When I entered the room, I thought he would be very angry with me. But to my surprise, he beckoned me forward with a smile. He opened his arms wide and hesitantly, I went to him. I felt his warmth envelope me and relaxed a little in his embrace.

“Don’t you hate me?” I mumbled into his shirt.

The inevitable reply came.

“Absolutely”

I heard the gun click at my temple.

**********

I’m known by many names. It all depends on what my assignment is. For now, you can call me Harriet. I’m a pharmacist by day. I live in a modest condo with a good view of the city. I have a pet dog that has been with me for many years. But that does not explain why there is a gun to my head now.

Let me get to the point then.

I am an assassin.

Ever since I can remember, I have been trained to kill – swift and without a mess. Of course, I don’t come cheap. I auction my services to the highest bidder. And let me tell you, life is sweet for the likes of me. After all, money is power and with money, you can do anything.

Many would remember their first toy as a doll, a brightly coloured ball, a mini car… Mine was a handgun. Others get pats on the head for getting 5 stars for homework. I get pats for hitting the bulls-eye 5 times in a row. Girls grow up learning how to use makeup to enhance their beauty. I learned how to morph into anyone I like. Teenagers learn to lie from their parents. I lived a lie from the day I completed my first assignment.

Let’s get this straight. I don’t like what I do. It gets old after years of doing what I do. Try as I might, I just can’t seem to take pleasure at the number of successful missions I’ve accomplished. And there’s a reason why I am one of the highest paid in the field. The sense of purpose vanishes in time. I get a call, I carry it out, and I wait for the next call. I wanted to get out of this vicious cycle and put a halt to this downward spiral of my life.

Of course, this didn’t just happen overnight. Somewhere along the line, I dedicated my life to God and knew in my heart that I can’t continue to do what I’ve been doing. I realised I’ve been blind all this while to life – living it like it should be. All this while I’ve never dared to admit to my self that what I was doing was cold-blooded murder. I couldn’t, you understand? Doing so would make it seem personal – that I was robbing someone’s husband, someone’s wife, someone’s parent, someone’s child. In my line of work, there’s no such thing as emotions. You rub sentimentalities out of you because you need to remain objective – even in the very face of death. You can’t afford a single moment of hesitation because that will decide who walks away the victor.

However, just because you want to quit doesn’t necessarily mean you can. First, I was already involved with the man who regularly hires me. This was my first mistake because I needed to be neutral – free from any emotional holds. He was a dangerous man and being the reckless fool I was I fell for his charm hook, line and sinker. Telling him I had enough was equivalent to committing hara-kiri.

At the same time, many people were circulating rumours that I had a daughter. And that she was dying by the seconds with leukaemia. And that I would do whatever it takes to keep her with me. Even if it means to kill for the money. As to the question of whether or not I really had given birth to a daughter, I’d certainly be reluctant to talk too much about her, for fear that her identity might become publicly known. It would be in no one’s best interest for such a thing to happen. The best course, I feel, is for me to say nothing at all, especially when I’m still alive; I’m sure you will understand.

So I continued living my lie – doing what my heart screamed was wrong, wrong, wrong. Every person I killed now weighed heavily on my conscience. I was convicted, God kept tugging at my heartstring to stop. It went on and on until it came to the point where I knew I must take a stand.

The day came where the reason for doing what I did broke.

And I did the unforgivable – I let my target live.

It was utter chaos. I was tracking down this man for months and when I finally found him, he was in a room. Not alone, no. If he was, I would have been able to muster the guts to finish the job. No, he was playing with his daughter – laughing together as she hugged him tight. Tears welled up and I fled.

Naturally, my man found out. How he found out I will never know. And he was livid. The target I allowed to walk free was about to spill highly classified secrets to the government about my man. He was as good as dead.

I walked into my condo knowing full well that I may not leave alive.

**********

When I entered the room, I thought he would be very angry with me. But to my surprise, he beckoned me forward with a smile. He opened his arms wide and hesitantly, I went to him. I felt his warmth envelope me and relaxed a little in his embrace.

“Don’t you hate me?” I mumbled into his shirt.

The inevitable reply came.

“Absolutely”

I heard the gun click at my temple.

**********

Mama!!!

Oh my sweet child! You’re here! And you look beautiful!

I’ve been waiting for you mama…

And so have I my dear girl, so have I.

**********

When I entered heaven, I thought He would be very angry with me. But to my surprise, He beckoned me forward with a smile. He opened His arms wide and hesitantly, I went to Him. I felt His warmth envelope me and relaxed a little in His embrace.

“Do you still love me?” I mumbled through my tears.

The inevitable reply came.

“Absolutely”