Monday, April 20, 2009

The Ride Home

“Curse this blasted rain.”

Standing in the downpour, stranded in the middle of nowhere with no umbrella, it’s clear why I was in a bad mood. I knew I forgot something as soon as I stepped out of the house. But because I was in a hurry to return my library book (2 weeks overdue, no less) I promptly left my house without my phone, wallet and a coat. All I had was 2 ten dollar bills to pay the fine. Well, I would return soon anyway.

I only have one problem – I have a lousy sense of direction. I can’t direct myself out of a paper bag even if the world’s best GPS system was given to me. So it’s no surprise to find out I was hopelessly lost.

“How in the world could you get lost?” Tze Quan version A was sitting on my right shoulder.

“Because I told her to turn right but noooooo, you said turn left and voila! We’re in this mess!” Tze Quan version B was stamping her foot impatiently on my left shoulder.

“It’s the left turn doofus. Remember? On the way to the library, we passed Burger King. And we turned right. So now, we have to turn left! Simple!”

“It was MACDONALDS!!! Retard!”

“Shut up dur-brain. Burger King.”


“Burger King”


“BURGER KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Because they really weren’t helping, I kicked them both out of my head. Tze Quan version C climbs on top of my head and taps it.

“You know, living on the streets isn’t so bad. You can always go checking in dustbins for food. People like to throw stuff away after just one bite anyway.”

Sigh. This really isn’t helping. How in the world am I going to go home? This is really embarrassing.


Startled from arguing with my alter egos, I look up. The most horrible egg-yolk coloured car parked beside me. A man and a lady were in the front. The lady was driving. She smiled, “Need a lift lassie?”

Shoot. What do I say?

“Say yes dumbo! It’s a miracle, never mind the ugly car” Tze Quan version A.

“No no no! Rape cases! Murder! Don’t do it!!!” Tze Quan version B.

“Well, it beats living on the streets” Tze Quan version C.

There was an awkward pause…

“Gee, thanks!” TZE QUAN says.

When I was in the car, I noticed that the man slumped in the car was sleeping. I admit I was a little peeved when he didn’t even bother to open an eye to see who’s in the car. The car was giving a off a rather weird smell too but he seems oblivious to it. At least he won’t be pulling a fast one considering he’s unconscious.

“So, where’re you headed lassie?” The lady was beautiful, in a hard way. Her bright yellow hair was all set into a permanent bob and it looked glued to her head. I bet if I threw a rock at it, it would bounce off. She was wearing a blinding gold chain and I could see from the edge of my eye she had a gold ring on her finger. Her clothes were tasteful, showcasing her ability to dress and dress well. All in all, she looked like a very powerful woman.

I gave her my address and wished she’d stop calling me lassie. It unnerves me.

“Thank you ma’am for helping me out”.

“Oh it’s a pleasure lassie. It’s not everyday I meet a pretty face in need.”

“Well, I really appreciate it. I’ve no idea what would happen if you didn’t come along!”

“Oh, it’s nothing. My husband and I were just going for a ride anyway. He’s sleeping now though. Had a long night yesterday”.

I see. That would explain his comatose position. Sort of.

“Number 61 right?”

I nod my head and offer a big, big smile. Stepping out of the car, I thanked the lady and made my way back to the house. Breathing a sigh of relief and promising myself never to leave home without my phone again. I was pretty sure that was the last time I would see the lady and I was glad of it. Somehow, she scared me.

Two days later....

I was lazing at home channel surfing. As usual, there was nothing particularly interesting on. Oh well, I might as well give the news a try.

“A very good evening to you all. There has finally been a breakthrough in the serial murder case which has gripped the nation. Adele Renee Smith, prime suspect for the murder of 6 high-profile politicians has been arrested. When she was arrested, she was driving a bright yellow car, slightly resembling an egg-yolk, apparently heading out for a ‘ride’. However, when the boot of her car was opened, the body of one of her victims was found decomposing there. At this point of time, the identity of the body is still unknown but it is suspected to be Mr. Theodore Daniels, Miss Smith’s current lover.

Miss Smith who has been married four times is charged with the murder of her three ex husbands and two of her lovers. Her fourth and most recent husband – Mr. Pierre Troboyzkoy has been reported missing and is largely suspected that Miss Smith has also done away with him.

If the public can provide any information regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Troboyzkoy, please contact your nearest police station. Your cooperation is very much appreciated. Thank you and good night.”

The room turned cold. Thoughts started running through my mind. The picture flashed on the TV screen was identical to the lady who sent me home two days ago. The man slumped in the front seat never stirred even though his wife and I were talking and there was a foul smell in the car. In fact, he was so still I doubt his chest was even moving. The car was an egg-yolk yellow. She said she was heading for a ride.

The room spun and everything went black. My last conscious thought was, “Thank God for keeping me safe”.

2 years later…

“A very good evening to you all. Miss Adele Renee Smith has been charged of 6 first-degree murder charges which carry the death penalty. The police would like to thank the public for helping with the investigation. However, even after 2 years of searching, the body of Mr. Pierre Troboyzkoy has yet to be found.”

I had just returned from the library and was lazing at home channel surfing. I gave the news a try.

Whatever happened to the man in the car remains a mystery till today.

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